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Archive for the ‘ Parenting ’ Category

WARNING: This post contains information about the tooth fairy. Well, OUR tooth fairy. I recommend you do not read in front of your children, no matter how old. With all these new-fangled ‘read in utero’ programs, your child may be reading at 8th grade level while breast feeding.

Our tooth fairy is always on time, never forgets, makes GREAT choices, basically SUCKS!

This all started about 5 years ago when our daughter lost her first tooth.  Ooooooooohhhh Meeeeeee Gooooooosh, we were excited. WE LOST OUR FIRST TOOTH. Well, “we” didn’t, but as the proud mom & dad, we might as well have. The VERY FIRST visit from the tooth fairy was ABOUT to take place. SQUUEEEAAALLLL!!!

Apparently more excited over this being the first lost tooth….we failed to calculate just HOW MANY teeth are in these pint size little mouths. Yes, we already had both our kids by then. 2 mouths…times like 48 or whatever……seems like there are at least that many teeth per mouth. So, mistake #1, we left a friggin $5 bill under the pillow as a swap out for the tooth.

Well, shortly after that, another tooth fell out and we were caught off guard. We left ANOTHER $5.

That was the moment the ‘bar’ was set. That was exactly when we couldn’t turn back, well without being unfair jerks. ESPECIALLY when kid #2 started loosing teeth.

Lets move on….before you start judging us….

Our baby boy (he’s 6 and a half) lost HIS VERY FIRST TOOTH just recently. He has watched big sister lose her teeth since she was 4 years old and this kid just can’t get one loose for the life of him. Finally, we wiggled one out a couple weeks ago. Again, he is almost 7. We were starting to wonder….

So, he waits with anticipation. He has his rockin little blue tooth fairy pillow all set up by his head. He can BARELY sleep.

We (the real tooth fairy).


OOOOOO   MMMMMM    GGGGGGGG, our tooth fairy rights and parenting card should be revoked.

He woke up the next morning sobbing, quite hysterically. He was distraught.

We came up with some story about sometimes the tooth fairy just can’t make it to all the homes….and maybe she did come but couldn’t find the tooth…..and sometimes if she thinks you are away she won’t leave you any money….blah blah blah…. I TOTALLY ALREADY KNOW…. we are AWFUL.

Moving on…..YES….I have one more totally awful tooth fairy situation. From last night.

Our 9 year old has lost 4 teeth in the last week. Recall Tooth Fairy Mistake #1. Yeah, that’s right. We are up to $20. I think now is also an appropriate time to mention we NEVER have cash. Either my kids need to take visa/debit cards or we just need an ATM on the premises. This has made for quite a few late night runs to the gas station in order to grab a pack of gum and get $5 cash back.

Well…..not this time folks. I’m almost too embarrassed to admit this…but now I kinda hafta!

Alright, well since the girl had just lost a different tooth a few nights ago, she had her money in my purse, in case we happen to be on our way home from somewhere and the PERFECT shopping opportunity arises. She wanted to be ready.

Yes, that is EXACTLY what we did. We used the SAME $5 that I was holding from the last tooth.

*Please Lord, do NOT let her ask to have all her money. PLEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE*

So, there you have it. Our tooth fairy is quite possibly the worst tooth fairy on the planet. So, I would like to take this time to humbly request a new one. Apply below.

DISCLAIMER: Maybe you actually do have a real tooth fairy. If so, sorry if this story ruins your kids beliefs. But then again, I told you not to show this story to your kids…..

We Seuss-ed Up Our Day…Did You?

As my alarm clock exploded I sprung out of bed
With hair-do’s to do’s & childrens to get fed
I ramboozled the frying pans and shamrookied the fruit
I calmed histeria and unraveled the dispute

I got out the basket of ribbons & box of bands
All eyes were upon me as I glanced at my fans
I gibbled the wire &  pondunked the plastic cup
I even considered instead of hairspray using syrup

With a great twist, strong pull & without a tear
We divided and conquered and parted the hair
We picked colors of bands that matched with perfection
Although we had the greatest selection

We inserted the  drinkware with much ease
Yet the wires and braids stared at us with a tease
I glared and sneered as I poked and pulled
I tossed and turned as if I could be fooled

Though some may say its messy and wrong
We giggled and wiggled as it appeared quite strong
With a massive amount of hairspray and mousse…..


Well, it happened today.  I hit my breaking point.  My rock-bottom.  My worst experience of my life.  I didn’t think I would ever write a super downer post, and I’m totally fine if you stop reading RIGHT now.

I have been crying today.  Almost ALL day.

I actually read a blog someone wrote about pulling up to a stop light and looking over at the car next to her and the driver was just crying.  This particular woman looked so broken.  And the writer of this blog beautifully wrote about not knowing her situation but having such compassion.  By the way, if you happen to stumble across this post and you are the author I am referring to, please let me know so I can give you proper credit.

POINT being – TODAY I was that girl.  Sobbing hysterically in the car while driving from the hospital to the house I am currently staying at.  Every stop light I try to hide my face from any other people.

I can barely eat.  I feel so incredibly sick.

I actually feel like my heart is no longer in my body.  Like I am a walking shell that is only useful to fill up space in a very lonely world.  I am of no value except companionship.  Oh awesome…..I am now apparently a dog.

Today is day 24.  24 days that I have been away from my husband and kids.  I am not in the military.  I could never choose a career that would possibly take me away from my home for more than a week at a time.  I’m not just down the road either, I’m across the country.  I’m in Florida.  My family is in California.

I have been busy here with my parents, which helps keep me distracted, but today I broke.  I went through every scenario to determine my actual value here. I looked at airline tickets.

My heart is in California.  With my 7 year old girl named Lexi.

She is a sweet & beautiful little smarty pants.  She is super helpful and independent.

My heart is also with my 5 year old boy named Brayden.

He is unreal!  He’s super handsome and soooo funny and incredibly tender-hearted.  He also loves to snuggle.  He is NOT independent.  He loves to hang out.

My heart is also with my husband.

He stole my heart 14 years ago and I haven’t questioned that for 1 minute of our history!

My perfect husband drove me to the airport on November 1st.  I haven’t seen him since.  He asks me often what the “plan” is.  It seems to change daily.  The big picture is to liquidate all my parents stuff and move them to California to be near us.  Great plan, but next to impossible.  They have soooo much stuff.  Plus we are dealing with a lot of emotions here, NOT including mine.

I am normally seen as the steady headed, honest, common-sense member of the family.

My little boy asks me often on the phone when I am coming home.  One night he was crying for ever on phone trying to understand when I would be home.  He would say “are you coming home tomorrow?”  “The next day?”  And of course they “Buy why not????”  Each word would break my heart a little more.

Today was the end of me.

After a long conversation with my sweet hubby, he tells me last night before bed Brayden asked him if I was EVER coming home.

And that is when my heart actually left my body.

My FAVORITE Time of the Day

So….I’m not really a “kid” person.  A lot of people know this about me, and it is both funny and sad all at the same time.  Yes, I have 2 kids of my own.  Lexi, who is 7 and Brayden who is 5.  They are awesome and amazing.  But they are mine!  We are kind of strict parents with high expectations of our kids, and they are obedient.  I love it!  They are like well trained dogs….that don’t shed!  I’m working on my tolerance for other people’s children.  Oh come on….like you don’t feel the same way?  Some kids are bad…and when I say bad, I mean AWEFUL.  I have been know to say “I don’t think I like that kid!”  BUT…I try to raise my children to NOT JUDGE others!  “Hypocritical”, you say?  Uh, ya, I’m just being honest!

Then there is my husband.  He is the kind, compassionate, caring one.  As we say, the one with the heart.  (Again with the honesty!)  Sometimes it drives me CRAZY.  When Lexi hurts herself by doing something completely ridiculous, he is the first one to run to her and console her.  My reaction is almost always “Well, what where you expecting!?!”  I don’t think I’m heartless…I call it well balanced.

All this said to tell you about my new favorite time of the day.  If I were to take a poll, I guarantee 98% of my friends would think my favorite time of the day is after I drop them off at school, grab a Venti Non-fat Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks and sit on my couch relaxing.  Don’t get me wrong, that is sooooo close to the top of my list of absolute favorites in my daily schedule, but it is not number 1.

This is Brayden.  He’s 5.  He’s AWESOME!

I cannot begin to describe the feeling I get when my 5 year old spots me from across the school walkway.  EVERY day he is sitting there surrounded by a group of friends and he always has the biggest smile on his face.  He is truly a HAPPY kid.  He catches a glimpse of me, and doesn’t just mosey on over, he grabs his backpack and starts RUNNING towards me.  That SMILE only intensifies.  His big BLUE eyes are radiating off of whatever color shirt he has on.  An overwhelming feeling comes over me almost immediately.  I would give anything for this moment to last forever.  When he reaches me, I immediately kneel down and he gives me the biggest hug, as if he hadn’t seen me for a month.  Again, I am speechless.  He makes me melt!

Once I put myself back together again, we begin to walk to his sisters classroom to pick her up.  He begins to tell me ALL about his day.  He doesn’t leave out details.  He talks…and talks….and TALKS…but I am still on the high from picking him up, so I enjoy every minute of it.

Then Lexi’s class is dismissed.  She has always been an independent girl.  She has always gotten along better with boys than girls.  She doesn’t ever get caught up in the girly chatter, likes and dislikes, and whatever Hannah Montana said is cool or whatever….She comes walking out with a boy almost every day.  DON’T get the WRONG idea, she is only 7, and she can’t date until she is 23.  She just isn’t “sassy” or “catty” like most girls.  So she comes out of the classroom talking about who knows what to this boy, and she always seems to make him laugh.  It is absolutely PRECIOUS.  I’m not worried about her having boys has good friends.  She is so awesome, and very witty I might add.  She walks to me casually.  She doesn’t run like Brayden, but not because she is too cool for that, she is just a mellow girl.  Once her and the boy part ways, we begin talking about her day.  Did I mention how smart she is?  Oops, she is smart!  She loves to read and she loves school.  She tells me about her day, what was good and in her words what was “GREAT.”  She never says anything negative about school, NEVER!  I’m sure that will change, but for now, I’m lovin it!

So, needless to say, this is absolutely my favorite time of day in my life right now.  Maybe it is because I am surrounded by cancer, and to see the joy in my children is a gentle reminder of what gifts they are to me.  I plan everything I do around that early afternoon event, it is priceless to me.

The sun came back out here in Florida, so what do we do, we SWIM.  For hours….and hours….and hours…I decided to just sit.  I was on the porch watching (technically “listening” for screaming, fighting & drowning) as I was playing on my ipod.  I got a really fun new fishing game, called Fish Frenzy, I have the new high score of 618….YIPPEE!  Anyhow, as I was sitting there playing, I started catching a few words here and there that the kids were saying to each other…I decided to put the ipod, blackberry & laptop down for a bit and just listen.

Things that make you go HUH????

“It’s not a customer, it’s a bug!” - OK, what game are they playing and I am not interested in going to that tea party.

Go brain go!” – Brayden was apparently talking himself into jumping off the ladder!

“Watch this, I’ll do a belly-punch” – Uh-huh….99.9% of the people in the world call this a belly-flop, but my kid is “different”!

“If you see any bubbles, that means I need help” – HAHAHAHA!!!!  Even I couldn’t help but laugh at that one!

“When you see bubbles like these, that means I’m sending you a message” - I think the message was SWIM AWAY…SWIM FAR FAR AWAY!!

Last but not least…but it was my favorite of the day…

“There are no floaties in racing” – I don’t even want to go there….