I guess I have a bone to pick with Jessica Simpson too. Here’s the deal. My guess is she was sitting on her billion dollar couch one day, watching the Smurfs. Munchin on her favorite Keebler cookies, you know, like those E.L. Fudge treats. She says “AH HA!”. Upon which triggers her butler or the half naked man who is fanning her to immediately fetch her a crayon and a piece of paper.

She begins with this:

With her mind full of elves, gnomes and cute little trolls with a good sense of fashion, she then adds a few details.

She giggles and squeals as her new design is just about done. She adds a simple design to the top and ships her finished drawings off to the factory for immediate manufacturing and distribution.

OOOOOH LAA LAAAAAAA!

Cute, right!?!

Well, don’t be fooled.

This is what they feel like…..

Or better yet, these are a bit more accurate…

Cushion on the sole is definitely a desirable feature, but apparently not a mandatory feature.

Do you have all 5 of your toes? On each foot? Well then, that’s a problem.

There is room for your big toe and her immediate neighbor. If toes where have a slumber party at the big toes house, meaning if all toes where in bunk beds on TOP of big toe, all would be fine. There is room in this boot for a party above the big toe. Remember those old shoes with fish in the heel?? You could easily have  a few fish hanging out in your big toe’s suite.

It’s a boot with a vaulted ceiling.

When you decide to sacrifice comfort for sass, those extra 5 inches that should be hemmed off your jeans, height, you make that decision to just push through the night. It’s then that those friends that you are going out to dinner with want to WALK from the coffee shop to the restaurant. Sure, it’s a nice evening and only a couple blocks…..

So, to sum it all up, these boots are fabulous for about 7-10 minutes and if you wear them any longer, plan to be bedridden the next day.

*Disclaimer: Mom, if you are reading this, don’t believe any of it. I LOVE the boots you got me for Christmas. They are GREAT. No really….I just needed something to blog about and since I was stuck on the couch all day, because of ummm….the flu…ya, the flu….the boots seemed to be all I could think about. Love you!