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Happy Birthday Dad!

Today you would have turned 67. 67 would have looked good on you, but there is A LOT of drama in the world that you would HATE.

Instead of being all sappy about how much we miss you, I wanted to post a little Happy Birthday to a man who had many passions one among the many was the Board Game Card Sleeves. Today, I am molded and shaped by you in a few very specific ways. Here are few things my dad loved comprised in one post.

Classic Cars, mainly Cadillacs:
You’re love, admiration and respect for genuine classic cars was awesome. If only I was a boy and could justify buying and restoring something old and awesome for you…. remember your green 52 baby?

Or the very few times you strayed away from Cadi’s…how about your Bronco that was a BEAST to drive…

How about your love for Standard Poodles…as much as you complained about them, you were a sucker for a Standard!

How about traveling…you LOVED a fun vacation, whether it was to Vegas, Mexico or Florida…

You especially loved those Florida beaches….

You LOVED fishing…

LOVE is not a strong enough word for your relationship with ice cream

You loved playing any kind of card games.

And I saved the best for last, simply because in all your grumpiness, you LOVED mom more than anything else. We all knew that, even when you pretended to be mean!

So, happy birthday Dad! We love you.

Stupid flippin cancer.


TRUE STORY. Each. and. Every. Word.

So dads been actin a little crazy today, even crazier than he was yesterday. Very nervous, insecure, in pain and afraid. I feel for him. I really do. None of us could ever understand what it would be like to be told you might have another week left to live.

So he is scared. He starts talking crazy, like after 36 years he is done being married to my mom. She sticks by him and takes great care of him through all this and now HE is done! Whatever!

He believes my mom is “involved” with every man who looks her direction. Eeeeew! Men around here have no teeth!!!

So, mom has a little discussion with his cancer doctor and the nurses. They say they don’t like what they are hearing. They think we are in danger.

So….THEY call and say the SHERIFF is on his way and we better not fight them. OMG. What? Dads a complete basket case, and the cops are coming?

We panic. I tell my dad… THEY’RE COMING!


Panic some more. Dad says let’s go. He gets in a car.

I HEAR sirens.

Mom can’t find keys. The dog gets out. The gate needs to be opened.

I see the sheriff. He’s coming.

I move another car around to the front. I drive to the gate. I push my sick and mentally unstable dad in the back seat. I jump out of the drivers seat because I AM NOT harboring a fugitive…or whatever this would be called.

I open the gate. Mom jumps in the drivers seat.

She drives at light speed to ESCAPE! I stay at the house. I wait. Seriously, I’m ready for the cops to come down the driveway. I’m gonna have a nice talk with them. My sisters boyfriend (or ex as I am told) calls his dad. He’s a cop. He asks his dad if we broke any laws. I am a little nervous about breaking laws. Not really my thing. His dad says in Texas, we haven’t broken any laws. Well, that’s better than nothing…except we’re NOT IN TEXAS!

My mom calls and asks if the cops came yet. I say not yet, 2 Sheriff cars flew by but they haven’t been back by the driveway.

After my mom drives in circles for about 30 minutes, she calls back. The Sheriff CALLED her…..and SHE ANSWERED! Hahahaha! Who answers the PHONE when your running from the cops????

OMG! What a riot. So, my mom tells the cops that the doctor wants to send my dad to the hospital that almost killed him, twice. She doesn’t want him at that hospital. The cop AGREES with her and says the doctor is crazy.

Oh, you might be wondering WHY the cops called her cell phone…….BECAUSE……..


Thank goodness there wasn’t a REAL emergency, we would still be waiting for those cops to find the house.

UGH! In Hell…errr..I mean Florida.

Is that even an ok blog title?

I guess I really don’t care, hence the title….ugh!

It’s ugh because I am in Downerville, with sadness, crazies, waterfalls of tears and dirt….oh and HUGE bugs, frogs, turtles and dogs. (the rhyming was totally NOT planned)

My husband and 2 awesome kids are in California.  I am in Florida.  That’s enough Uggghhhhhh for anyone, but for me its just the icing on the cake (a phrase I actually think is really dumb cuz nobody calls it icing, it’s FROSTING…..).

My dad has Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, metastasized to his liver and lungs.  Yes, the same cancer Patrick Swayze fought and just died from.  My dad (waaayyyyy more important to me than Patrick Swayze, even though I have probably watched Dirty Dancing a few dozen times..) is going through difficult stages.  He was taken off chemo after the doctor said it was no longer working.  He was not doing well, the doc said he had 2-3 weeks.  I fly here to hell Florida ONE week ago.  Now my dad is actually doing quite well.  He is feeling good.  He has a few side effects from meds that are making me and my mom crazy (considering popping a few of his pills) but it’s not about us…..

So, since dad’s feeling good, parents decide they want to pack up and move to California to be near us (my family, my kids…).  Great, excellent, wonderful, but have you seen their house?  Or their vehicles?  Or their crap stuff?  OMG….throw me a friggin bone here people.

They ask me to help them.  You have to know me, I don’t like “stuff”.  I don’t like pretty little trinkets that fit perfectly between the 176 other trinkets squeezed within a 10 square inch space on top of the cable box.  I also don’t like things that don’t work, and that goes for clocks, tv’s, lawnmowers, golf carts OR vehicles….in case you were wondering.  I don’t really care about the “value” it has when it is all fixed and clean.

So, my first suggestion, sell a couple vehicles.  Done.  One (yes, my dad has more than one) of his trucks and the old uhaul moving van (that clearly can’t be used for moving) are on Craigslist.  I then say, “Hey, how about a Moving Sale?”.  They say sure, let’s do it this weekend.

Here we go.  Oh gosh, I totally forgot to mention we are in a part of Florida that is simple described as EWWWW!  We set up the tables and as we take stuff out to the tables, my dad takes the stuff off and hides it.  I totally forgot he wanted to keep that dusty old weird beer thingy that has a horse on it…..silly me.  So, we painfully make it through the 2 longest weekend days of my life to make a total of $187.00.  Sweet.  That will get us from Polk county to just shy of the neighboring county.

Now what.  I’ll tell you what.  My parents are both asleep.  I have my laptop and my camera.  I also have skillz.  8 new Craigslist ad’s.  Yep.  Bring it on.  If only I could send them away for a few days.

I am ready to go home.  I am ready to snuggle on the couch with my kids.  I am ready to kiss my hubby.

I’m going a little crazy here…so I decided to write a little song for ya, well, it’s for us all!!!

*I expect to be accompanied by a banjo, harmonica….and a pair of knee slapping hillbillies.  Alright….Here we go!

Weeeeeelllllll, I woke up this mornin to a normal day,
had lunch with friends the Applebees way
Gotta call from momma sayin dads in the ER
He’s got spots all over and they think it’s cancer.

*don’t cry…it’s a country song*

I kissed the husband and the kids, flew across the US
It’s been 3 months and my lifes a mess
My fam flew here but our stuff went Weeesssstttt…..
You see, we’re supposed to move there cuz it’s for the best

Oh Florida, oh Florida….where I spend each and every day
Oh Florida, oh Florida….so much to do….if your rich and can afford to

Mom and dad are in the mobile, we’re sleepin next door
It’s like upscale campin on beds, not the floor
We’re here in Polk City, the lightening Capitol of the world
And of course it’s storm season which makes me wanna hurl

My skins a new shade but it’s a new texture too
A little hot and sticky but the blisters are a few
We got the pool from Walmart, parked in the front yard
It’s a picture that should really be on a postcard

Oh Florida, oh Florida….where I spend each and every day
Whether at home, with Mickey or by the Bay
Oh Florida, oh Florida….so much to do….if your rich and can afford to

We’ve been to all the parks and seen alligators too
We’ve eatin fresh fish and stayed in hotels with a view
We’ve grown webbed feet from the pools and beach,
We’ve even had sand stuck in places we can’t reach

My dads much better so we can’t stay long
We got the plane tickets which brings an end to my song
And while we wait you can hear from me from…..
Twitter, Facebook or

I find this soooo ironic…we are here in Florida, were we expect the sun to shine continuously, but NO, this is “storm season.”  Not just any storms, LIGHTENING STORMS.

If that isn’t LAME enough, lets go ahead and add in the IRONY.  The city we live in is Polk City, a beautiful country town, where the cows are a mooin’ and the stupid dumb peacocks wander freely.  Ya, when is the last time you spent any time near a peacock.

As I digress…back to my irony.

We just learned that Polk County is the “Lightening Capitol” of the bloody country .  Yep, lightening strikes here MORE than any other place.  Isn’t that just AWESOME!