WARNING: This post contains information about the tooth fairy. Well, OUR tooth fairy. I recommend you do not read in front of your children, no matter how old. With all these new-fangled ‘read in utero’ programs, your child may be reading at 8th grade level while breast feeding.

Our tooth fairy is always on time, never forgets, makes GREAT choices, basically SUCKS!

This all started about 5 years ago when our daughter lost her first tooth.  Ooooooooohhhh Meeeeeee Gooooooosh, we were excited. WE LOST OUR FIRST TOOTH. Well, “we” didn’t, but as the proud mom & dad, we might as well have. The VERY FIRST visit from the tooth fairy was ABOUT to take place. SQUUEEEAAALLLL!!!

TOOTH FAIRY MISTAKE #1:
Apparently more excited over this being the first lost tooth….we failed to calculate just HOW MANY teeth are in these pint size little mouths. Yes, we already had both our kids by then. 2 mouths…times like 48 or whatever……seems like there are at least that many teeth per mouth. So, mistake #1, we left a friggin $5 bill under the pillow as a swap out for the tooth.

Well, shortly after that, another tooth fell out and we were caught off guard. We left ANOTHER $5.

That was the moment the ‘bar’ was set. That was exactly when we couldn’t turn back, well without being unfair jerks. ESPECIALLY when kid #2 started loosing teeth.

Lets move on….before you start judging us….

TOOTH FAIRY MISTAKE #2:
Our baby boy (he’s 6 and a half) lost HIS VERY FIRST TOOTH just recently. He has watched big sister lose her teeth since she was 4 years old and this kid just can’t get one loose for the life of him. Finally, we wiggled one out a couple weeks ago. Again, he is almost 7. We were starting to wonder….

So, he waits with anticipation. He has his rockin little blue tooth fairy pillow all set up by his head. He can BARELY sleep.

We (the real tooth fairy).

FORGOT.

OOOOOO   MMMMMM    GGGGGGGG, our tooth fairy rights and parenting card should be revoked.

He woke up the next morning sobbing, quite hysterically. He was distraught.

We came up with some story about sometimes the tooth fairy just can’t make it to all the homes….and maybe she did come but couldn’t find the tooth…..and sometimes if she thinks you are away she won’t leave you any money….blah blah blah…. I TOTALLY ALREADY KNOW…. we are AWFUL.

Moving on…..YES….I have one more totally awful tooth fairy situation. From last night.

TOOTH FAIRY MISTAKE #3:
Our 9 year old has lost 4 teeth in the last week. Recall Tooth Fairy Mistake #1. Yeah, that’s right. We are up to $20. I think now is also an appropriate time to mention we NEVER have cash. Either my kids need to take visa/debit cards or we just need an ATM on the premises. This has made for quite a few late night runs to the gas station in order to grab a pack of gum and get $5 cash back.

Well…..not this time folks. I’m almost too embarrassed to admit this…but now I kinda hafta!

Alright, well since the girl had just lost a different tooth a few nights ago, she had her money in my purse, in case we happen to be on our way home from somewhere and the PERFECT shopping opportunity arises. She wanted to be ready.

Yes, that is EXACTLY what we did. We used the SAME $5 that I was holding from the last tooth.

*Please Lord, do NOT let her ask to have all her money. PLEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE*

So, there you have it. Our tooth fairy is quite possibly the worst tooth fairy on the planet. So, I would like to take this time to humbly request a new one. Apply below.

DISCLAIMER: Maybe you actually do have a real tooth fairy. If so, sorry if this story ruins your kids beliefs. But then again, I told you not to show this story to your kids…..